


Half

by Lily_Rhonin



Series: Emotions [2]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26237068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_Rhonin/pseuds/Lily_Rhonin
Summary: Some days I feel everythingOthers are numbingCan never find the in betweenIt's all or nothing
Series: Emotions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904893
Kudos: 6





	Half

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here's another edition to the 'emotions' shorts series. This is a series where I'm just kind of practicing writing different emotions, scenarios, etc, so none of them are necessarily related to one another. This particular one is a non-canon addition to Valorant University, inspired by the song Half by PVRIS.
> 
> Interested in learning what I'm working on next or what else I'm up to? Check out my twitter

Riven gave a frustrated snarl as the ball shot past her.  _ What the fuck is wrong with me? That was an easy pass!  _ She straightened up and jogged after it, her face burning with embarrassment. Really- what the hell?  _ Some captain... _

⧫

Riven stared after the ball as it shot past her. She should have cared, but she didn't. Sighing, she turned and jogged after it.

Things would be better tomorrow. She would be better tomorrow.

* * *

“Congratulations, ValU Takes home the victory!” Around her, Riven’s teammates burst into cheering, surrounding their team captain as they hugged one another and celebrated their hard earned victory. Riven joined them, a smile on her face. But was it real? She couldn’t tell.

She never could.

⧫

“ValU wins by four points! Congratulations!” Riven’s teammates surrounded her as they abandoned their positions on the field or flooded in from the sidelines, shouting and cheering as they accepted their title as the season champions. Riven knew she should be celebrating with them. She was surrounded by excited, happy friends and teammates. But as she looked around, she couldn’t muster the energy to even smile.

* * *

“Hell yeah! That’s great news, Diana!” Riven was excited. Was she? She was excited. Diana shot her a ‘please tone it down’ look, full of exasperation, before giving a small smile. “Thanks, Riv. It’s a job, I think the experience will be great.”

⧫

“I’m not sure.” Riven sighed and looked up, realizing Ahri was still fretting. “It’s such a huge opportunity… Morg thinks we’re good enough though. If we place even in the top three at this dance competition...that would mean huge things for the club!”   
Riven did her best to offer her friend a smile. She should be happy for her. Maybe offer advice? She  _ knew  _ she should. Why wasn’t she?

* * *

Riven kicked, kicked, kicked. The ball bounced back to meet her every time, the field illuminated only by the field lights scattered along the edges. Every kick brought her closer to tears. She desperately wanted to cry, but she didn’t. Crying was weak. Or, so she’d been told growing up. Crying didn’t get the crops harvested or the animals inside the stables.  _ It’s ok to cry. _   
She still couldn’t, but the sadness that sat in the pit of her stomach wouldn’t let her go, just weighed her down like a parasite reaping her emotions. But as she hit the ball one more time with every last bit of strength left, she felt the tears start to flow.   
They kept flowing, even as the ball rolled past her and out into the field.

⧫

**_“I’m really sorry Riven… would you be able to attend the funeral?”_ ** Her aunt’s voice seemed lost among Riven’s thoughts as she stared at her phone, set to speaker as she sat alone on her bed.  _ My cousin’s...gone. He was the only one who ever tried to be nice to me. Why am I not sad? _

She couldn’t feel anything. It was like she’d been sitting too long, and her legs had gone numb. But this time, her brain had gone numb. 

* * *

“Riven, are you alright?” Riven glanced up, surprised when the voice of her girlfriend cleaved through her consciousness, and her eyes met Xayah’s concerned expression.  _ We were studying...did she say something? _

“I’m fine!” Riven blustered hurriedly. “Sorry, I was just distracted.”

Xayah stared at her for a long moment. Riven knew she knew she was bullshitting her, but she apparently didn’t have the energy to prod any deeper, and looked back at her textbook with a sigh.

⧫

“Riven...please talk to me.” It took every ounce of Riven’s strength to draw her eyes away from the grey clouds blurring the horizon. Xayah was sitting beside her, her gaze pleading before Riven look away. 

“You’ve been a mess for months. I can see that. We can all see it. Please.” 

The pain in Xayah’s voice was so raw it felt like it had clawed Riven’s own heart open, and she felt the first real, genuine emotions she had felt in...a long time. 

Most of it was guilt.

She blinked slowly, then looked down at her feet. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll tell you. Later. It’s just...I’m not...I’m not in the best headspace right now. Or, I haven’t been.”

She couldn’t see her face, but she could feel Xayah’s eyes boring into her, and she was quiet for a long minute before sighing and leaning against Riven, wrapping her arms around her tightly. 

“Whenever you’re ready. Just...please don’t keep holding it all in.”

  
  



End file.
